Episode Two - Cool Hand Tony
From Black Country Role Playing Society
From the town of Tombstone a dust plume can be spied. An old timer, sitting in his rocking chair on the stoup of his home sees a stagecoach, rattlin’ and a-shakin’, racing towards the town, accompanied by a company of the 7th cavalry. The Stagecoach stops outside the Oriental saloon and an unlikely band of desperadoes emerge. The stagecoach is driven away by the Mexican driver. The Old Timer can dimly see a beautiful young woman and a man inside the coach. Both appear to be sleeping. Three men are left outside the saloon. One is a dark-skinned man with a steely look in his eyes. He is “Nameless Smith”. Another is a tall pistolero wearing a Stetson and a fringed buckskin coat. His name is “Diamondback” Jack. The third is a cool looking dude with a fine black suit, with a pocket watch worn in a conspicuous fashion. Less conspicuous are a pair of silver pistols tucked inside his jacket. This is Tony Hart. He is here in Tombstone for one purpose. He means to compete in the Great Tombstone Poker tournament, which is going to be held in the saloon the next day.
As they enter the saloon, they are greeted by a red-faced little man, wearing an apron, “What will you have to drink gentlemen?”.
“Give me a shot of Red-Eye, bartender” Says Jack.
The others follow suit and they find a table.
Nearby, three cowpokes start arguin’. They yell and holler, and pretty soon they start a ruckus. Our boys ain’t fussed about this and ignore the fightin’. Instead Tony Hart borrows a deck of cards from the barman and proceeds to learn “Nameless” and “Diamondback” the rudiments of “Texas Hold-em-up Super Keno”(The local Poker variant).
The Mexican,“Longhorn” Jones has made himself scarce, he has some other business in town. After a few hands, and some more shots of whisky, Jack and “Nameless”, have got the idea of the game, and eventually stagger off to their rooms.
Next morning, after a hearty breakfast, Tony goes to register for the poker tournament. He takes the others aside, and offers them a deal.
“Now dudes, I have a proposition for you, I’ll give each of ya’ a share in any winnings if you’ll keep watch for me. Look out for any of them varmints cheatin’, or any other funny business” . And so it comes to pass, with Jack and “Nameless” watching, the first games are organised.
In the first game, Tony faces Johnny “Lucky Draw” Jones, Abe “Strong Hand” Errant and Benson “Dropdead” Hedges. After four hands of cards, Johnny Jones and Benson Hedges are eliminated. Tony Hart and Abe Errant go on to face the winners from the other table, Ace McDonald, and Lou “The Hulk” Ferrigno.
Ace McDonald is a huge Scottish man with red hair and a beard, whilst Lou Ferrigno is a Mexican gaucho. It soon becomes clear that Ace must have made it through the first round by pure luck, for he is clearly one of the worst poker players there has ever been in the entire history of the world. Abe Errant wins the first hand, Tony Hart wins the second.
.”Ace” McDonald has the bad habit of looking at his cards before the dealer has done dealing. At one point Lou Ferrigno accuses him of cheating for doing this.
“You dirty, cheating bastard I weel keel you and have pleasure with your wife”
“You’ve nay seen my wife, have ye?” Replied “Ace”
Lou Ferrigno wins round Three, and Abe Errant wins the last hand, So “Ace” McDonald is eliminated. The Game continues, Abe wins the first hand. Lou wins the next hand with a full house, but Abe has seen something.
“You damned cheatin’ varmint, I saw you slip that six o’ hearts down yer sleeve!” He draws his gun, but the referee jumps in and stops the game. Lou Ferrigno is thrown out of the competition, but is mighty sore about it. He swears and cusses and storms out yellin’ “I’ll get you, you dirty stinking greaser, I’ll be back with my boys!”
The game continues, but Abe has the measure of Tony Hart, and wins the next three hands straight, and is declared the winner. Tony is second but still comes away with a substantial wad of dinero, which he shares with “Nameless” and Jack, Yeee-Haaa!
It’s getting’ late, “Nameless” goes outside to look at the town clock. It shows at a quarter to twelve.
“Godammit I’ve gone through the whole day and I ain’t shot nobody!”
Just then a posse of Mexicans come galloping down the street, it’s Lou Ferrigno and his boys, out fer revenge.
“I lied” says “Nameless” drawing his gun.
The Mexicans approach, “Nameless”, to his credit, offers to discuss this like gentlemen, but he gets his hat shot off. He fires, hitting Lou in the head, also knockin’ his hat off. Tony sneaks out of the saloon, unnoticed by anybody. “Diamondback” Jack is oblivious to all this.
Then there occurs the most almighty fracas, with guns going off and bullets ricocheting all over the place. Lou Ferrigno falls, but his “boys” are undeterred and charge recklessly into the saloon. Meanwhile, Tony steals their horses, and sells eight of them fer $300, keepin’ four for the boys. The Mexicans storm into the saloon and start trashing the place. “Diamondback Jack” kicks over a table and opens up with his six shooters, while “Nameless” takes ‘em from behind. Pretty soon all of them Mexicans is as dead as mutton, and the boys settle on a last drink before bedtime.
Just then, a weasely-looking man approaches Tony Hart with a business proposition. He needs a group of courageous hombres to help him explore a haunted goldmine. Tony is purty sceptical at first, but when he hears about the prodigious quantities of abandoned gold that’s lying there, just ripe fer the takin’, he accepts wholeheartedly.
Meanwhile “Diamondback Jack” is planning for tomorrow. He means to find a shop where he can buy a gee-tar, cos there is this funny little tune he just can’t get out of his head……
To Be Continued……
End Credits accompanied by the Bonanza/Vision On Mega Mix performed by Nameless and Diamondback
On to Episode Three - The Three Amigos
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